you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
