I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Randomize
