using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
