Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
