After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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