My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
