Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have already put on my inside pants.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
