We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The beer is more important than you right now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
