i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
