I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
