Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
