Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
