Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Shame - the story of my life.
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