I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
