oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
