and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
