he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
