She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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