Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
