Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
