drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
