so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
