also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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