Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
