I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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