one two three fourrrrnication!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
