I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
