He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
