Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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