I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
