you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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