I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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