I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
