see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
