just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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