You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
