the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
