you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you will always have a special place in my vag
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
