i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
honey bunches of taint.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
