I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
