she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
