Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
