i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
