Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
