I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
