My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
