the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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