If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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