Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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