By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
