btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
