Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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