I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
