I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
