He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
