I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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