Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
