did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
