Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
