does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
