i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
